How I left my corporate job and became a psychic
My paternal grandmother had an interesting gift. She could look at a small child and see her inner world. She said this to my parents when I was born: this child has a very sensitive nervous system. She can feel more than most people, therefore it is very important to give her a feeling of safety and balance at home.
What my grandmother meant, was that I was born open energetically, my regular senses and my psychic senses were not only already developed but they also lacked natural protective filters. This meant that my experience of the world would be much brighter, louder, hectic, colorful, painful, confusing… really confusing…
These days, we call people such as myself – empaths, people who can feel the emotions of other people as if they were their own. But for me, being an empath is much more than simply feeling things. I hear more sounds and see more shapes and colors than the average person. My world is ever moving, ever changing and if I am to survive and prosper in this world, I have to be a curious, informed, and a non-judgmental observer of the human experience. Otherwise, I’ll simply get lost in the chaos.
I knew I was different even as a child. It was not a good thing or a bad thing, it simply fueled my curiosity. The world and people in it did not naturally make sense to me and that was amazing because I enjoyed figuring these things out. I learned to look at not what is in front of me, but rather why it is there and most importantly, how it came to be the way it is. Growing up in the Soviet Union, under communist propaganda made me even more determined to see the truth behind people’s words, actions and choices.
I came to the US when I was eleven. I was old enough to remember the old country, yet young enough to fully melt into the American culture. Growing up bilingual and bicultural, stirred my curiosity about people even more. I remember sitting in my high school history class and wondering, what is it about this particular teacher that makes him so good? How is he able to hold my interest and make learning US history so exciting? I asked myself this question for many years. It was only after studying spirituality and metaphysics that I able to find the answer.
The answer was simple: this teacher loved us – his students and he loved history. He taught through love. Of course, it helped that he was a great storyteller. But words, especially to an empath, are meaningless; it is the emotion behind those words that matters. And his emotion was love.
Over the years, I have had many teachers who taught through love. They were school teachers, college professors, work colleagues, personal trainers, family members, friends. They are the ones who inspired me and gave me the greatest lesson, one which I try to apply in every class I teach and with every client. The lesson is this: in the moment, love and accept the person that is in front of your fully, completely and unconditionally. Love and non judgement are what transform and heal… the words, the energetic practices, the visualizations, the physical exercises are of secondary importance.
Yet, since we live in a world of words, let me tell you more about myself.
Throughout my life, even as a small child, I felt that there must be more to life than just our five-sensory experiences. When I grew up, I learned that I come from a long line of rabbinical scholars and mystics, so it does not surprise me that I always felt this natural connection to the spirit realm.
My ancestry on my father’s side has been traced to Rabbi Loew, who as the famous legend tells us, is credited to be the creator of the Golem of Prague. When I was young, my father practiced yoga (from books, as at that time there was no other way to get the information). My mother told me stories of how when she herself was in high school she would use her hands to remove headaches and how she had a friend who was a very powerful energy healer.
Unfortunately for me, my dad stopped his yoga practice and my mom moved away from energy healing when I was fairly young. By the time I began to ask questions, my parents all but forgot, or perhaps were unwilling to give me the information I was seeking. Lacking a teacher or guide, I stopped asking questions and focused on my school studies and a career in information technology.
My corporate life:
Upon graduating college and for the next 19 years, I worked for a number of fortune 500 companies in the IT field, performing tasks similar to what a Unix Sysadmin and an Oracle DBA would do. I briefly worked as a computer programmer but I found this work too quiet. Eventually, I settled in technical support where I got to utilize my prior technical knowledge to solve customer issues. Working every day with clients experiencing a technical crisis taught me excellent crisis management and people skills. My favorite part of working in IT was when I was asked to train people and to write technical documentation.
Life was good. I had a great job, friends, family, a fancy sports car, a nice house. I was never lacking for money either. I did have this nagging feeling that there was something missing from my life (namely a deep connection to spirituality) but it did not bother me too much, as everything else was awesome. Plus, I had my yoga and meditation practice and I read interesting personal growth books from time to time. So I was not all “matrix-y.” I had my life figured out… or so I thought.
The loss and the sorrow:
Then, one cloudy afternoon in June, my mom passed away and my world came crashing down. I did not know what to do with the emotional overload, so I made a conscious decision to shut down. I decided to just stop feeling. Logic, reason and no emotion would be my new world.
I was able to hold the pain down for two years before my body said “enough is enough.” One morning, I woke up to find the right side of my face paralyzed. I was 33 years old and I thought I having a stroke.
I was in shock, my mind was racing. What if I lose vision in my right eye because I cannot close my eye lid? How am I going to eat and drink when I cannot hold my lips closed or fully move my tongue? Will I lose my job because of the way a look? How am I going to go out in public? My partner and my family are going to see me and freak out!
I ran to the doctor who looked me in the eyes and said: “it’s not a stroke, it’s facial paralysis called Bells Palsy, it will take a long time to heal and the cause is: stress!”
Me? Stress? Can’t be! I have no emotions, I’m all about logic and reason!
Turns out I did have emotions, a ton of them. How could I not? I was born an empath!
Because I did not know how to deal with my emotions, I had spent every minute of every day for over two years, holding them down, ignoring them. My body had said: “enough is enough.”
I realized, if I were to continue on this path to non-self, the next illness will be worse.
The next several months were extremely lonely and sad. I avoided going to stores because I did not want to explain myself and my condition. I had to drink through a straw and use my fingers to hold my lips closed so food and drink would not fall out. I stopped seeing my friends. I even stopped talking on the phone because I could not pronounce letters b, f, m, p and v.
The worst part, was that I knew that my chances of having Bells Palsy again were pretty high.
I swore to myself that I would do everything possible to never be in this situation again.
Finding my way home:
One evening when walking my dog I told the universe: “OK, I hear you and I am ready!”
That was when the miracles began. My teachers and mentors just kind of showed up and I was introduced to new friends who opened up my world. Eventually, I stopped struggling and I accepted myself the way I was born to be.
After several years of planning, I left my corporate IT career. I did not do it because I was unhappy there nor because I had found my calling elsewhere. I left because I wanted to explore the world and my corporate job was too confining.
Here and now:
And here I am today. Instead of troubleshooting computers, I help people troubleshoot themselves. Instead of seeing patterns within computer code, I see patterns within the human psyche. Instead of helping build computer systems, I help build human energy systems.
Spirit has a sense of humor, don’t you think?