Find Connection, Balance and Peace

Early Years

Throughout my life, even as a small child, I felt that there must be more to life than just our five-sensory experiences. When I grew up, I learned that I come from a long line of rabbinical scholars and mystics, so it’s not surprising that I always felt this natural connection to the spirit realm.

My ancestry on my father’s side has been traced to Rabbi Loeb, who, as the famous legend  goes, is credited to be the creator of the Golem of Prague.  When I was young, my father practiced yoga (from books as at that time there was no other way to get the information). My mother told me stories of how when she herself was in high school she was able to use her hands to remove headaches and how she had a friend who was a very powerful energy healer.

Unfortunately for me, my dad stopped his yoga practice and my mom moved away from energy healing when I was fairly young. By the time I was old enough to ask questions, my parents all but forgot (or perhaps were unwilling) to give me the information I was seeking. Lacking a teacher or guide, I stopped asking questions and focused on my school studies and a career in information technology.

My corporate life

Upon graduating college and for the next 19 years, I worked for a number of fortune 500 companies in the IT field, performing tasks similar to what a Unix Sysadmin and an Oracle DBA would do. I briefly worked as a computer programmer but I found this work too quiet. Eventually I settled in technical support where I got to utilize my prior technical knowledge to solve customer issues. Working every day with clients experiencing a technical crisis taught me excellent crisis management and people skills. My favorite part of working in IT was when I was asked to train people and to write technical documentation.

Life was good. I had a great job, friends, family, a fancy sports car, a nice house. I was never lacking for money either. I had this nagging feeling that there was something missing from my life (namely a deep connection to spirituality) but it did not bother me too much as everything else was awesome. Plus, I had my yoga and meditation practice and I read interesting personal growth books from time to time. So I wasn’t all “matrix-y.” I had life figured out… or so I thought.

The loss and the sorrow

Then, one cloudy afternoon in June, my mom passed away and my world came crashing down. I did not know what to do with the emotional overload, so I made a conscious decision to shut down. I decided to just stop feeling. Logic, reason and no emotion would be my new world.

I was able to hold the pain down for two years before my body said “enough is enough.” One morning woke up to find the right side of my face paralyzed. I was 33 years old and I thought I having a stroke.

I was in shock, my mind was racing.  What if I lose vision in my right eye because I cannot close my eye lid?  How am I going to eat and drink when I cannot close my lips or move my tongue well? Will I lose my job because of the way a look?  How am I going to go out in public? My partner and my family are going to see me and freak out!

I ran to the doctor who looked me in the eyes and said: “it’s not a stroke, it’s facial paralysis called Bells Palsy, it will take a long time to heal and the cause is: stress!”

Me? Stress? Can’t be! I have no emotions, I’m all about logic and reason!

Turns out I did have emotions, a ton of them. How could I not? I was born an empath for Goddess, sake!

But because I did not know how to deal with my emotions, I had spent every minute of every day for over two years, holding them down, ignoring them.

I realized that if I were to continue on this path to non-self, the next illness will be worse.

The next several months were extremely lonely and sad. I avoided going to stores because I did not want to explain myself and my condition. I had to drink through a straw and use my fingers to hold my lips closed so food would not fall out. I stopped seeing my friends. I even stopped talking on the phone because I could not pronounce letters b, f, m, p and v.

The worst part was that I knew that my chances of having Bells Palsy again were pretty high.

I swore to myself that I would do everything possible to never be in this situation again.

Finding my way home

One evening when walking my dog I told the universe: “OK, I hear you and I am ready!”

That was when miracles began. I was introduced to teachers and healers and found new friends who opened up my world. The right people showed up at the right time. It was a process which took years, but finally I accepted myself the way I was born to be.

Eventually, I left my corporate IT career, not because I was unhappy there nor because I found my calling elsewhere, but because I felt I could have a more colorful and authentic experience of being a human being outside the four walls of corporate safety.

Here and now

And here I am today. Instead of troubleshooting computers, I help people troubleshoot themselves. Instead of seeing patterns within a computer system, I see patterns within the human psyche. Instead of helping build computer systems, I help build internal, organic, personal systems within one’s energetic field.

Spirit has a sense of humor, wouldn’t you agree?

Would you like to read more?

In addition to sharing through group and private sessions, I also write on all sorts of topics related to inner growth and spirituality so check out my blog page.